Sexual Healing Blog

Our breakthrough, live, online “Conscious Sexuality” course was recorded and is now available for purchase. It was intended to blow your mind and it will. The course was designed to inspire you to reinterpret your sexual behavior. Why would we want you to do that? Because many of you are still hindered by the bullshit you were taught. Fact: Very few of you have received any formal training in sex. When it comes to sex, most people are unpardonably ignorant. Fact: The sexual urge (the life force expanding in your body) has been grossly misunderstood by both the evil-minded and the uninformed. Fact: Much of what you learned about sex has come from extremely dubious sources. Pornography, the street, the marketplace, and parents and religious leaders to name a few. Fact: In the 60’s, Masters and Johnson, concluded after observing hundreds of couples copulating in their laboratory that the American bedroom was “a national disaster area.” Fact: Recent sex surveys report over 40% of Americans are sexually dysfunctional. You may not want to hear this, but when it comes to sex, many of you have been brainwashed with a bunch of misguided beliefs.

Our “Conscious Sexuality Course” will offer solutions to all your sexual problems. You will learn how to have ecstatic sex. You will learn to savor and extend your sexual orgasms for one hour, or more. Both men and women will learn how to become multi-orgasmic. You will learn why complete female sexual satisfaction is of the utmost importance to both men and women. You will learn that male ejaculation is not the most ecstatic moment in sex for men. Men will learn how mastery of the ejaculation process can elevate sex from the animal level to the spiritual level. And much more…..

We are offering what amounts to “a new sexual paradigm” for men and their lovers. This training was designed to transform your sexual life forever. You will rarely, if ever, find this kind of material available in a public forum. Please go to www.realcoachingradio.net and click on “catalogue,” then “spirituality.” There are five hours of remarkable material that will serve you your whole life.

The problem is that while many men are sexually open, too often their hearts are extremely guarded. Even in cases where a man may be extremely loving, often he may be a bit shut down sexually. Men, in particular, seem to have difficulty connecting the heart and genitals. For these men, love and sex appear to be entirely separate entities. Love may involve the heart, but sex happens between the legs. It’s not unusual for a guy’s genitals to wilt like a flower that’s lost its bloom if his heart is very open. And if his penis is throbbing with lust and uncontrollable desire, he may just forget that he has a heart. Nevertheless, even in the absence of love, many men still find it fairly easy to enjoy sex. If you don’t think so, just reflect on their fondness for “stroke” books, masturbation, prostitution, and one-night stands. If you think about it, it’s likely that many young men learn about sex as horny teenagers jerking off in the bathroom devoid of any emotional involvement. Safe in their comfort zones, these young men are programmed to pursue the shortsighted goal of ejaculation without feeling obliged to love at all.

NEWS FLASH: WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN!

Women generally share tantra’s viewpoint that love and sex are synonymous. Their hearts and genitals are deeply connected. When a woman’s heart is truly open to a man, her genitals gush like a swollen river and her vagina opens like a flower in bloom. Unlike many men, when she opens herself sexually, the floodgates of her emotions and even her spirituality will likely pour forth. Women tend to bring the whole inseparable package of all their human qualities along for the ride.        

Those of you whose sex education has come from conventional Western sexology will find that it is generally devoid of energetic considerations and spiritual wisdom. As we shall see, this is a grave omission. The failure to acknowledge both the inherent unity of sex and spirit, and the importance of cultivating and transforming sexual energy are two of the foremost limiting factors in modern sexology.

Over the course of many centuries, the people of the ancient cultures of India and China developed an incredible body of wisdom concerning the creative uses of sexual energy. As they explored the deeper aspects of our sexual natures, they discovered gateways to spiritual enlightenment by cultivating and transforming orgasmic energy. At some point, it became clear to them that the line that divides sex and spirit was extremely thin, if it exists at all. Modern investigators must concur, since virtually every major study on spirituality includes sex, and virtually every major study on sex includes spirituality. 

By bringing meditation to sex and and sex to meditation, tantra offers a unique methodology. Its practices were designed to transform sexual energy by prolonging and heightening the orgasmic build-up, without genital release, in order to experience the first essential in living the spiritual life: namely, “Unity Consciousness,” the extraordinary experience of merging with Source. For centuries, saints and sages have attempted to describe this state of awareness in which the predominant experience is oneness with all of existence and knowledge of the divinity within.

Sexual intercourse, when correctly practiced, is the preferred way to take hold of the creative power inherent in the sexual force and use it for reaching true spiritual mastery. 

Until now, far too many men have made the erroneous assumption that ejaculation and orgasm are one and the same. This is unfortunate, but understandable, since from our earliest sexual explorations men have observed over and over that ejaculation and orgasm always happen together. What we haven’t been told is that they are two distinct physical processes and that it is very useful to learn how to separate one from the other.    

It is vital that both men and women understand the distinction between male ejaculation and orgasm. Male ejaculation is a very local genital release. A release is a negative phenomenon —– you simply lose vital energy. Of course, most men also lose their erection, their sexual desire, and due to their post-ejaculatory emotional crash, they may even lose interest in their partner, at least temporarily. However, the biggest loss may be that they are denied access to the spiritual realms that require a measure of energy cultivation before the thin line that divides sex and spirit can be successfully bridged. And, we all need to acknowledge that men only experience sexual pleasure until they ejaculate. Thereafter, they enter the less than exciting refractory phase after climax when their penis does not enjoy any additional stimulation. One thing is certain: male ejaculation is not the peak experience that we have been led to believe it is.

Orgasm is a totally different animal. Orgasm is a full-body, peak, physical, emotional, and energetic experience that may even have mystical overtones. Orgasm engulfs the entire body, mind, and spirit, not just the muscles of the pelvis. Orgasm is a state where your body is no longer felt as matter; it vibrates like energy, or electricity. It vibrates so deeply, from the very foundation, that you completely forget that it is a material thing. It becomes an electric phenomenon. You become a dancing energy vibrating. Unfortunately, it is seldom experienced in ordinary lovemaking because male ejaculation short-circuits the process.

Happily, by refraining from genital release, men can learn to substitute orgasm(s) for ejaculation. Once this skill is mastered, the habitual male sexual routine of ejaculating with every orgasm will be seen for what it is —- sheer lunacy.       

It just may be that the experience of sexual ecstasy is as close as many of us will ever get to religious awe. Is it any wonder that in the throes of orgasm, many of us shout divine phrases such as, “Oh my God!” This is not an accident. Orgasm is perhaps the most intensely satisfying human experience. If you have ever experienced an orgasm, and almost all men and many women have, then you have surely tasted a glimpse of what is potentially available. The magic of orgasmic energy is infinitely powerful and transformational, particularly so when the arousal process is savored and extended by avoiding a genital release. When you come away from a sexual experience, energetically speaking, there are only two possibilities: you will either have more or less life-force energy. While the ordinary man having conventional sex typically loses vital energy because of his genital discharge, the accomplished lover uses the journey of arousal to cultivate and ultimately transform the escalating sexual excitement into higher consciousness.

There are three possible ways we can respond to sexual arousal: repress the sexual urge (as has been done by many followers of the sex-negative religious traditions of the world), express it as most of us do, or transform it. Tantra is for transformation. Thus, the transformation of orgasmic energy — the very energy from which we were all conceived — becomes a blueprint for accessing the spiritual dimension through sex.  

Are you aware that the orgasmic experience sends energies of healing and rejuvenation into your body? Did you know that sexual expression offers an exploration of both the physical and spiritual realms? Let it be known: The true function of orgasm, beyond mere pleasure, is to provide a vehicle, or a lift-off, that that propels us into higher consciousness.   Unfortunately, we have been tricked by our sex-negative, patriarchal religions, for a few thousand years, into believing that sex is dirty.  Sadly, this bold lie has kept us in a very low, degenerating, vibrational state. Many of us in the Western world do not understand how deeply infused we are with the belief that sex is sinful.

Take St. Augustine (born AD 354), one of the early prominent Catholic Church leaders, who told us “Sex and orgasm transmit original sin and original sin leads to death and damnation.”  Roughly nine hundred years later, St. Thomas Aquinas reinforced those views when he declared,  “Sex and orgasm are curses of the devil, and wherever there is orgasm there is sin.” The churches view was quite clear: As long as you focus on pleasure and orgasm you will know nothing of God.

You see, in the eyes of the early church leaders, mankind’s use of sex to commune directly with God posed a serious threat to their  power base, and even their very existence. It left the church out of the loop by seriously undermining its self-proclaimed status as the only conduit to God. The religious leaders of the church feared that if it became common knowledge that the individual, through the ecstasy of extended sexual orgasm, could have direct access to God, there might not be any need for the priesthood, or organized religion. In other words, these “holy” men might be out of a job.  After all, who needs a priest acting as an intermediary to contact God for us when we can use the vehicle of conscious sex to have a direct experience of God, and at the same time we can cut out the middleman.

Speaking of sexual relationships, my intention here is to make you aware of a destructive pattern that has hindered many of them. I’ve named it post-ejaculation syndrome (P.E.S.). We’ve all heard how women hate it when men roll over and go to sleep as soon as they are finished having sex, but few people ever mention that the loss of vital energy that a man experiences from his release is the culprit.

While many women want to experience the afterglow of lovemaking by staying physically and emotionally connected with their male partners, very often the intimate connection that they seek is short-circuited so abruptly by his untimely discharge that it must seem to her like he turned off the television while she was still watching the movie.

Typically, after ejaculating a man’s post-ejaculatory mood reflects a subtle but noticeable flatness that colors his overall emotional tone. However, for some men, loss of sexual desire, emotional withdrawal, irritability, moodiness, and indifference are fairly common. Ladies, does that remind you of anyone you know? And, of course, we know that many unpleasant altercations between sexual partners stem from harboring bad feelings about what happens, or does not happen, during and after sexual expression.    

Happily, the solution for men is as easy as mastering the art of seminal retention because that is what invariably transforms the sexual energy dynamics between sexually active men and women. 

For our purposes, let’s say that there are two types of people. Fifth sensory beings have little or no energy awareness. They are only plugged in to the physical plane of existence. They require physical evidence before they accept something as real. If they can’t see it, hear it, touch it, taste it, or smell it, then it is simply not part of there perceptual reality.

Sixth sensory beings, on the other hand, recognize that whether we acknowledge it or not, we all live in the realm of energy. We are all energy beings. Everything in the universe — our thoughts, feelings, even seemingly empty space is comprised of energy. We all sprang from this energy. It is “the spark of life.” This universal life force energy is the difference between a corpse and an animated, breathing human being.

The point to remember here is that sexual energy, or orgasmic energy, is virtually the same substance. Though it is invisible, we can feel it expanding between our legs when it gets activated. While fifth sensory beings seek to experience more and more voluptuous physical sensations when they have sex, sixth sensory beings have a different intention. They want to cultivate more of the raw, rejuvenating,  healing, sexual energy and then transform that energy into higher consciousness. They have come to recognize that that is their highest option.

Victor Gold